In Prayer: Ajay Dubey
June 2026
Ajay Dubey is a senior director of engineering at an A.I. hardware company and practicing Hindu. He is from Uttar Pradesh, India. He lives in San Jose with his wife, Gunjan Tiwari and has two daughters, Shubhra and Ishita.
Shubhra knows me well. She knows I always have a lot of questions. She would say to me often, “Lola, you need to talk to my dad.” Shubhra was right. In June, she drove us to San Jose to visit him.
I so enjoyed my time talking with Ajay and joining him in his rituals. I am especially interested in how opposites come together in Ajay’s practice: structure and freedom, immaterial and material, discipline and comfort, rationality and mystery. They are all present at the same time, but create no contradiction, only a much greater truth.
I’d like to give a special thank you to Gunjan for the warm welcome, for her help in preparing the puja and havan, and for all of the insight she provided off the record. To Shubhra for generously arranging my visit with her family, providing the beautiful footage, and contributing her own questions. And of course to Ajay, for sharing his practice so openly and thoughtfully with me.
My conversation with Ajay is below. Shubhra pops in at times to join us. Some responses have been edited for length.
Lola: What is your religious tradition?
Ajay: I was born in a Hindu family. I personally am not bound to a religion. I practice Hinduism, but with an open mind. I believe that [Hinduism] is one way of achieving what the goals should be for spirituality.
Lola: What are the components of your practice?
The primary components of prayer is chanting, meditation, Kirtan. And just connecting directly with who you are praying to.
I pray every day. Saturday to Sunday, sometimes I take a break. I say, “God needs a break from me” [laughing] I don’t want to bug them too much, I give them a break from me.
I really pray to Hanuman Ji, the monkey god. Ever since I was a child in sixth grade. I had a big inclination to Hanuman Ji. I used to always draw [pictures of] him. I think Hanuman Ji continues to protect me and give me things when I need them.
Lola: Shubhra told me how you like to pray to Hanuman Ji. Why him especially?
I felt a resonance. There are [about] a million Hindu gods [...] But Hanuman Ji is supposed to be, in this time and age, the connection with the other world. He's the one who will dispense any help. Neem Karoli Baba or Krishna Das, Ram Dass, they all prayed to Hanuman Ji. But whoever it is, if you really believe [in them], things will happen.
And it's not like a transaction, by the way. It's not like you, “Oh, I give you $5, give me this thing.” It's consistent. It’s your devotion. I do ask a lot in favor to be honest. But the right thing is to just continue to pray. Things will be taken care of. That's what I try to do.
Lola: Yes, that idea of “I’m asking so that I can get what I want.” Is prayer separate from that?
I do that too. In [a] materialistic [sense], prayer is that sort of mechanism. Offering [the planets and gods] things to please them, so they become pacified, so that we can receive their blessings.
In our culture, it is very prevalent to go to Hanuman Ji when there is an exam. That's a ritual everybody does. Religious or not, you go to Hanuman Temple, offer him some Ladddu, and in the exchange, you are asking, “please let my exam go well tomorrow.”
But the ultimate goal, and I hope I get there, is freedom from the suffering.
How will your pain and suffering go away? It is not “maybe I can get another million, maybe I buy another house, so I'm a little bit more secure.” I am a financially insecure person, so I do pray to give me at least the minimum. So I can continue with the puja also, right? [laughs]
[But] I should not be looking for pleasure and security in materialistic world [...] The reality is, you find that God is right inside you. And that's really true. Once you figure out, “hey, I don't need anything or anybody to be happy,” you realize that God. And that's what is called realization. Self-realization. It is nothing but discovering God within you.
So I know all the theory, right? But doing is hard. I am still a homely person. I do the daily chores, I have a little insecurity, I still have earthly feelings. So I pray to the God, to keep me virtuous, honest, a good person as much as possible. With prayer, I can make progress towards this stuff. Like continuing to put interest into your account.
Shubhra: Your God account.
Yeah, your God account.
Lola: What brought you closer to prayer in your life?
Shubhra: You were always spiritual [as a kid], right?
I was spiritual. Until eight or nine years of age, I was [living] in the countryside. We had our village, and there were farms around that. We used to play in the rainy season. After the rains were done, skies were always very beautiful. Good clouds and colorful, clean skies at that time. And I still vividly remember, I saw Krishna in a cloud. And it [wasn’t just] the shape of the cloud. The color and everything was there. I still question it, but it's not a fake memory. I constantly remember it. “How did this happen? Why did it happen?” I was always asking questions, and always felt connected.
But in actual inclination to pray, I had the best feeling when I was 38 years old. 2004 or 2005. I used to do all nighters, doing my coding work on my laptop, and the TV would run some documentary as I am working.
One night, this documentary was on about Richard Alpert, this Ram Dass. [On the TV,] I heard the people doing the [the Hare Krishna mantra]. Then I knew, “wow, this is amazing.” I will tell you, Lola, I did feel, “wow.” I felt very happy.
I started doing more proper prayer in 2008, when [Gunjan and I] both lost our jobs. That was the financial meltdown also. We had bought this house and we had our previous house. It was a mess.
I really started [praying] then. And I will tell you, Lola, since then until now, I have only seen positive impact. In every aspect in my life. Absolutely. It doesn't happen transactionally, like you pray one day, and you get it immediately. But if I'm looking at the last 16 years, 18 years, I've only seen good things, thank goodness. And I think the only thing I did was [pray]. So I think I believe in this.
And I want to say also, it is much easier and very helpful for me to be religious and do my rituals here in the US, than when I'm in India. When I'm in India, it's hustle bustle. Fight for your existence. Here I find peace, thankfulness, I find the time to retrospect and be thankful for all things.
Lola: When you first started praying more, did you ever feel overwhelmed about how to do it? There’s so much to learn.
Yes, excellent question. It happens gradually. There are books people have written about [praying], like a cookbook or a manual to do the details. [Slowly] you become expert, you become fast and confident.
But to pray, just close your eyes and pray.
Lola: What does it feel like for you to be in prayer, in your body, your heart, in your mind?
It varies. Sometimes I'm distracted. “How soon do I have to start going to office? What is there to do next?” But the practice is to bring back your focus and be there with mind and body.
If I am not there 100%, it's okay to just do it mechanically. I continue to do this even if I'm not 100% focused. But many times, I am focused and at peace.
Lola: How much of your practice is that sense of discipline and responsibility, just doing it no matter what? And how much of it is you turning to prayer for comfort?
I think it is 50/50. Both are related. Doing this more as a discipline brings the comfort. If I’m not doing it because I'm not disciplined, then I won't get that comfort.
Lola: Shubhra told me you prayed for her the whole time she was taking the ACT.
I did havan [for three hours] and I wrote down a number, an ACT score. She got exactly that score. 35. And for Didi’s [Shubhra’s older sister, Ishita] MCAT, she got a good score too. Again, this is just belief. But it keeps us going. And I do believe, in my heart, that doing this helps. It has helped.
Lola: With your daughters, do you try to impart your spirituality onto them?
I do not force them because I believe spirituality is something that should come from within. You should be seeking, not imposed [upon].
But I also want them to have this kind of tool available [if] they are in need. Real or not, who knows? But if it gives you a result which is not usual, then why not? Just praying [in any way]. This tree, if it takes you, then do it.
If they're watching me doing this, then when their seeking comes, hopefully this will provide a tool. If they don't need [prayer], I'm happy anyway.
Shubhra: Remember when Didi was little, and you prayed for her exam and she got a good score? And then you told her “go thank God.” And she got mad at you. She was like “Why are you telling me to go thank God? I [was the one who] took it. ”
What I tell her is to always feel thankful. A good thing in spirituality is that it makes you humble. That brings you happiness. If you think you are the most powerful, “you, you, you, I, I, I,” it is the worst thing. If you take yourself out of the picture, it makes you better and humble. It shouldn't lessen your confidence, but it makes you a better human. It doesn't make you less smart [to pray].
Shubhra: Did having an atheist daughter make you question your own spirituality?
Good question. Didi is a convincing atheist and it did put harder questions in my mind. I think she made me more open-minded.
[But] an atheist should be open minded [too]. How do you know that nothing exists? You cannot prove that. Just because you have not seen it, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
I think Sadhguru says that: “I don’t know what I don’t know.” That’s a very good, powerful thing.
Shubhra: How would you tell me to start praying? What would you tell me to do?
Hmm. Just do Hanuman Chalisa. The simplest and most effective way is praying to Hanuman Ji. I am a strong believer it works.
Shubhra: Just do it? Do I have to have the statue? Do I have to light anything?
In your thoughts. You don't need any tools, techniques, or things. You don't even need the statue. God has no shape or thing, in my opinion. These are just ways for us to focus, to channelize something, [because] not everybody is [able] to focus in a vacuum.
But when you have to send prayers, you will just do it, just closing your eyes, folding your hands, sitting. That's it. You will know, and you will feel it.
Anybody who wants to find out, they will find out. It's not hard. Just close your eyes and pray. That's the start. No book, nothing is needed. You don't need any [buffer] between you and whoever your God could be. Like, I don't need a broker. Just connect directly.
[And] if you don't believe in any spirituality, just control your mind and meditate. If you are good at meditating, then you will be free from suffering. And then you will already be sitting next to whatever God could be.
Lola: So in that way, prayer and meditation are two paths to the same place?
Two paths to the same place, exactly. Essentially, you are detaching yourself and getting to the eternal happiness state. Finding the God within you. It’s right here within you. [That] is the realization.
Shubhra: And with nature too, right? When we went to Banff, and you saw the big mountain…
Oh, nature. Great point. When I go to nature, it feels like I am so literally soaking all this. And it carries me to the same state you feel when you achieve meditation.
Shubhra: You feel close to the God inside, when you see nature?
Exactly. God inside you.
Shubhra: And you cry when you see nature a lot.
No. Do I?
Shubhra: When we went to Jasper, yeah.
Oh, I don't remember. But if I did cry, that’s a good thing.
Everything is connected, is my belief. But do they fit into an equation, like, if-then, cause-effect? No, it's not easy to do that.
But I also know that any faith is about faith. If you look for reasoning and rationality in every place, then you may not find an answer. Because these things are beyond classical mechanics. Although quantum mechanics may be closer.
As an engineer, I have the ability to question. I [have] the logical reasoning to weed out unrealistic people and garbage from my spirituality. I apply [what I learn in my profession] in seeking a bigger profession. Bigger engineering.
One thing I always tell my daughters and myself, do not just be a blind believer for anything. [...] Be, you know, what are the teenagers?
Shubhra: Rebel.
Ajay: Rebel, yeah. Be the rebel.
[Many religions] are selling things. Very few people really talk about what you should be doing. And they're not here in the marketplace. It's hard for both me and Gunjan to believe in any guru. I do not believe in personality cults [...] This should be just between me and the God. Nobody else has any business to tell you or define how you should pray. That's an absolutely private, personal connection.
So continuously seeking and questioning, I think that is the right way.
Lola: Thank you so much for talking with me.
Any question about your project, or if you have a question in life, reach out. That part, I love. I love talking about these things, spirituality and philosophy.